clean your room

yknow the japanther song, change your life?
http://www.last.fm/music/Japanther/_/Change+Your+Life
http://www.wikihow.com/Clean-Your-Room

clean your room.
yes so. crisis has been a heady and happenin place for
mengelfia as of late. all to do with the current work for
sometime. yet somehow this crisis seeped back into time,
corrupting all memories of once grand skills thought to be
had, as remembering seems to be an act of the imagination
anyhow, an act of creation essentially, see:
http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2007/06/08

well, all, everything ever drawn by my hand seemed to look
like an severe and mass load of the un-hot shit. every
mistake seemed glaringly clear, and suddenly i know i am a
joke. that hours and years of work, is some kind of post
modernist punchline in my jaw. the apparent joy of being a
total idiot is that you are free from being aware of your
own idiocy and you can simply pass it all off as the idiocy
of everyone else, certainly not yourself. but what if this
window is suddenly opened, and you go, damn, its me, i am an
idiot who repeats idiotic tasks and believes its progress.

and on one hand suddenly grasping that you have been a
fucking fool, is a bit of a deflater. but also a dose of
freedom, free from your past, cause evidently it was all
quite stupid. and your sense of up and down that you lived
by was also, very stupid.

method, start as you mean to go.
if you like to drink and act a fool then just do it.
if, you will be drawing large and you refuse to
scale up, then scroll it out.

thinking it over, all becomes clearer, or the imagined
point becomes something of a positively charged point, tinted
all pretty. as if any pile of genes are going to
let the point stay in the negative trenches, doesnt serve
the species much, and them genes are notorious for self
interest above all, and that this fiction of free will/truth
and the like can be freely and extensively bent to serve the
ends needed.

so, i took the big drawing down, and made it like a scroll
that flaps over the table and i can work on it, in pieces,
segments, so as to pull my eyes away from that which blows.
and keep a focus on the potential of vast deep space.
segments.

this led to room cleaning, rearranging and accidentally
cutting the second sheet too short, which forces the hand of
art supply shopping and pushes me to buy the new giant paper
i dream of getting, the one which will allow the finest
gradations and make me good at drawing in my head again.

btw, menglef.org will not return to its previous state, the
new edition is underway.

clean your room.